If I Loved You Less Read online

  “There.”

  Laurel opened her mouth to protest, but Theo shook her head in a short, sharp denial. “No more arguing. You’re going to put these on, you’re going to look cute as fuck, we’re going to go to the party, and Brock isn’t going to be able to take his eyes off of you. That’s all there is to it.”

  She gave Laurel a friendly smack on the ass and propelled her into the apartment’s tiny bathroom to get dressed while she started putting stuff away. And when Laurel came out a few minutes later, she couldn’t help but clap and squeal, because she looked awesome. Casual but sexy, and the skirt showed off her legs, which were—if Theo squinted—looking more athletic than when she’d arrived. No more spaghetti legs here.

  “Perfect. Now let’s stop by the liquor store on our way to pick up our contribution to the beverage table, and then we’ll roll.”

  Chapter Five

  Some nights were quintessential Kauai, and tonight was one of those nights. It had rained earlier, so it probably wouldn’t again while they were out. If it did, though, it would likely be a light mist and not spoil anyone’s evening. The temperature was perfect for the scanty clothing most people had on, and from the big-ass back lanai where most people were hanging out, you could hear the surf, which had apparently tempted some people to take advantage of the last shreds of light streaking through the sky in pinks and oranges to catch one last wave. Or two, if they were feeling reckless.

  Theo wasn’t about to head out on her board, as much fun as it looked, because her father would lose his goddamn mind. She’d left him with some of his cronies for a card game, so he wouldn’t fret quite so much that she was out. Besides, Kini was here, and no way would she take that lying down. Sometimes it was fun to provoke Kini by doing things Theo knew she wouldn’t like, but this would be outright reckless. And as much as she liked getting a rise out of Kini, Theo did have some brains in her head. So on the deck she stayed, but at least she had a beer in her hand and someone had brought some sangria that was killer.

  Plus, she had to keep an eye on Laurel. Laurel, who had just finished dancing with Kody who worked at Jim’s gallery. And who was now being approached by Bobby. What the fuck? No, no, absolutely not.

  Before the guy could get Laurel alone—because she clearly wouldn’t have the good sense to be polite and then move on—Theo intervened, sidling up to Laurel and dragging her back out to where people were dancing. Hips and shoulders moving, Theo made a last-ditch effort.

  “I know you think Bobby’s cute, but honestly, he’s not right for you. Like, he’s probably going to be hauling flour and ringing up customers at Queen’s forever. Guy’s not very ambitious. Do you really want to be with someone like that? Who’s happy standing still? No,” she hurried on, when Laurel looked like she might actually be thinking about it. “No, you do not. Brock, on the other hand…he’s going places. He started working at the hotel years ago at the front desk, and now he’s the general manager. That’s pretty good bank. Look, I like Bobby too, but he’s boring and he has no desire not to be boring. I don’t want to give you an ultimatum, but he’s not my jam. So if you want to hang out with him, that’s cool, but I probably won’t come along. Which is fine. Like, I’ll miss hanging out with you so much, but I’m not going to dictate your social life. It’s up to you.”

  “Oh.” For a second, during which Laurel’s questionable dancing ceased, Theo held her breath. She didn’t want to lose Laurel, but she really needed her to understand why Bobby was not boyfriend material. “Well, I don’t want to lose you as a friend. You’ve been so great since the second I met you. I wouldn’t have my jobs without you, I wouldn’t be at this party, I wouldn’t know the places to avoid—I’d be lost. And you’re right. Bobby’s nice, but that’s not the kind of guy I could see myself being with forever or even bringing home to my parents, you know?”

  Theo nodded, because yes, she understood, and she was relieved that Laurel was finally picking up what she’d been putting down. This whole role model thing was exhausting. “You can still be nice, there’s no need to have bad manners. Bobby is a nice guy. Obviously he and I are cordial. But save the dances and your A-game charm for people like Brock, okay?”

  Laurel nodded in agreement, and Theo was only too glad when Kody grabbed Laurel for another dance. At least when Laurel was with him, Theo could relax. No chance of that going wrong.

  A casual arm slid around her shoulder, and Theo turned her head to Brock’s smiling face. “Hey, stranger, nice to see you. We missed you the past couple of days on the beach. Where’ve you been?”

  Brock dropped his head back, showing off his cleanly shaven, square jaw. Yeah, if dudes had ever really been her thing, Theo might’ve had a crush on Brock. As it was, she could appreciate him in an aesthetic way, a lot like how she enjoyed the art in Jim’s gallery. It was nice to look at, but she didn’t want it anywhere near her vagina. She didn’t mind his easy affection, though, the way his big hand settled on her shoulder. Friendly human contact. Frankly, there wasn’t enough of that in the world.

  “My night manager quit with zero notice. Mostly my head desk clerk has been filling in for him, and I’ll probably give her the job, but she’s got shit to do because it’s not like she’s arranged her life around working nights for a job she didn’t have. So I’ve been filling in when she can’t make it. Should all shake out in a few weeks, but in the meantime—” He broke off with a theatrical yawn. “I’m just trying to get enough sleep not to fall asleep doing a job and a half. It sucks to be missing you girls, though. Watching you has been the highlight of my days.”

  Aw, yeah. And here was an opportunity to plant some seeds. Or, it seemed, maybe water the seedlings that had already taken root. “Hasn’t Laurel improved so much? It’s kind of amazing when you think she could barely stay on the board to paddle out a couple of weeks ago.”

  Not like she’d be winning any competitions anytime soon, and she wasn’t exactly graceful or particularly badass on her board—when she managed to stand up at all—but still, it was a vast improvement, and if the smile that spread over Brock’s face was any indication, he thought so, too.

  “Yeah. You’ve done a great job with her; it’s impressive. No wonder everyone says you’re the best instructor on the island. You know I send all my guests to you if I can. Laurel could be your poster girl.”

  Brock thought Laurel could be a poster girl? It was all she could do not to send Laurel a double thumbs-up from across the room. That was definitely a tidbit worth sharing for later. But for now, Laurel was behaving and having fun at the same time, dancing in a goofy way with Kody. Also, Theo’s beer was empty. Not acceptable and such an easy fix. Who knew keeping someone from committing social suicide was such thirsty work? So she gave Brock’s lean waist a quick squeeze and ducked out from under his arm to head to the kitchen for another beverage. This night was going perfectly according to plan.

  Of course there were people to talk to, people who needed a talking to, and people she’d rather avoid talking to, so it took longer to get her drink than she would’ve liked. After all, she thought she’d gotten through to Laurel, but the girl had a habit of getting distracted by Bobby’s brown eyes and his curly hair that’d been sun-kissed from light brown to blond in a lot of places.

  It was understandable, in a way. Theo herself wasn’t immune to really attractive women and could easily overlook some of their less admirable traits in favor of getting laid or enjoying the eye candy for a while. But at least she was sensible. Those were temporary entanglements, and she had no intention of making anything permanent ever. But if she were to…it would be with someone who was practically perfect. Not, like, in general, because they’d doubtless be insufferable, but generally pretty great and also tailored specifically for her. What that might look like, Theo had no frigging idea because she’d never given it much thought. It was all academic anyhow, and academics had never been her thing. No, give her a board, some sun, wave after rideable wave, and the occasional sugar rush of
baked goods, and she’d be happy.

  Speaking of happy, two of her favorite people in the whole world were standing by a table littered with food. Theo bounded over to wrap Charlotte in an enormous hug because she hadn’t seen her friend since the wedding—the newlyweds had been on their honeymoon and just arrived back this afternoon.

  It was loud and crowded enough that Kini and Charlotte didn’t notice her approach, which could have been fun for a hug ambush, except before she could squeeze the stuffing out of Charlotte, she got an earful of something she wasn’t meant to.

  “I know you think it’s nice that Theo’s got a new friend, but I’ve got to tell you, I don’t think it’s good for either of them.”

  Charlotte took a drink of punch and pointed a finger in Kini’s face. “Why are you being so weird about this? Theo’s actually taking an interest in another person, which isn’t her usual MO, and she’s trying to be a good friend.”

  Kini cut Charlotte off with a shake of her head. “No. If that’s what was going on, I’d have no problem with it. I’d even believe that Theo thinks that’s what she’s doing, but really? She’s trying to make that poor girl over into her own image, and I don’t think it’s healthy for either one of them. Laurel shouldn’t be used as a dress-up doll for Theo to act out on, and Theo’s going to be crushed when Laurel leaves. Because you know she’s not staying here forever. This is a stopover for her, a bit of rebellion because Mommy and Daddy wouldn’t let her major in what she wanted to, so she threw a rich-kid tantrum, and she’ll head back when she realizes island life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. You’ll see.”

  Theo’s insides lurched like she’d had too much to drink—and maybe she had, with nothing to eat. But that was unfair. She wasn’t trying to change Laurel; she was just trying to make her a better version of the self she already was. One who could surf and use a cash register to save her life. Kini didn’t understand what it was like now. Being in your twenties had changed a lot in the past fifteen years, so what did Kini know anyway? Although to be fair, Kini was mostly right about things. But not this, Theo was certain. Even Charlotte, who thought it wasn’t a bad idea for her to be friends with Laurel, had made it sound like she was selfish and self-centered. Good to know what her friends really thought of her.

  She hadn’t planned on getting drunk, but with two “friends” blocking her path to the food table and an icky feeling in her stomach, maybe that was what would be for the best. After all, it would be easy to grab another drink from the stash, and maybe with a few, she’d be able to forget what she’d overheard. Or at least not care so much.

  A few hours later found Theo giving not a shit in the world. She was pleasantly buzzed, the music was good, the rain had held off, and the stars were out. She was perched on a recently vacated swing on the smaller lanai off the side of the house where she wouldn’t run into Kini or Charlotte when Laurel made her way through the doors. Or rather, where the sliding glass doors would be if they were ever closed. They never had been anytime Theo had been here.

  “Hey, I’ve been looking for you.”

  Theo patted the empty bench beside her before taking another swig of her beer. Obliging girl that she was, Laurel sat down and plonked her head on Theo’s shoulder.

  “What’s up? Are you having a good time?” Clearly not if she was flopped onto Theo, but maybe she was tired. Dancing combined with the soporific effects of alcohol could make a person sleepy. Especially someone who seemed like they were more likely to be found in the library than at a frat party.

  “I was. And then…”

  “And then what?” Theo sat up a little straighter, planted her feet underneath her, ready to kick some ass if necessary. Most of the guys she knew were decent and wouldn’t fucking dare lay a hand on a girl who wasn’t into it, but sometimes booze could get the better of their senses or sometimes there was a new dude who was used to getting his way and not having people call him on his shit. Heaven help the asshole who laid a finger on Laurel if she hadn’t wanted them to.

  “And then Bobby asked me to go out with him tomorrow night.”

  Oh. That hadn’t been what she’d been expecting, and Theo couldn’t pinpoint why exactly that would make Laurel upset. “Was he a dick about it when you said no?”

  That didn’t sound like Bobby at all. Also, he wasn’t a big drinker—far more likely to smoke up than get plastered, and Theo’d only known him to have a mellow high, not get violent or paranoid. But if Laurel told her that’s how things had gone down, Theo would believe her. Grab Kini—no matter what Kini might’ve insinuated about Theo earlier—hunt Bobby down, and read him the riot act.

  “No, he wasn’t at all.”

  Then why did Laurel sound so maudlin? It wasn’t like her.

  “But I…I felt bad saying no. I even wanted to say yes.” She sat up and looked at Theo with pleading eyes. “But I didn’t. I remember what you said, and you were right. He’s not the guy for me. But I still feel crappy for having turned him down.”

  “You did the right thing.” Theo offered Laurel her beer, and Laurel snagged it with no hesitation, tipping her head back for a long swallow. “And don’t worry. I’m sure someone far more appropriate will be asking you out in no time at all. It’s possible I talked to Brock some, and he said you were looking so good on your board you could be a cover model.”

  So it was a little white lie—where was the harm in that? No way could Theo feel bad when Laurel’s face lit up, all disappointment at having to reject Bobby gone. “Really? He really said that?”

  Theo crossed her mental fingers. “Yep. So clearly he was paying attention.”

  It was hard to tell in the low light, but Theo was pretty sure Laurel was blushing. At least a little.

  “Oh. I…I can’t believe he really said that. I saw him dancing with other girls, and I thought…”

  “Well, have you been dancing with other guys?”

  “Yeah, but… Shit. If I’d known, I would’ve—”

  “Done exactly the same thing. You don’t want to make it too easy on them. You want them to see how desirable you are, how many people want you.” At least that’s how Theo thought guys worked? Toss a little jealousy onto a spark of attraction, and in no time you have a blaze of passion. Right? Probably wouldn’t hurt if Laurel showed some more cleavage too. She’d save that advice for next time. They’d both had enough and were probably better off heading home now. After all, they had to work in the morning, and Theo didn’t want her dad waiting up for her. It was heading on late.

  Except that after they’d hauled off the swing, another one of Laurel’s admirers wandered onto the lanai and asked for a dance. Theo didn’t have it in her to say she’d rather leave, and there was no way she was ditching Laurel to fend for herself. She knew most of the people here, and everyone should know by now that Laurel was her friend so they wouldn’t mess with her, but still.

  So off Theo went to get a bite of food, finally. She was hungry, and she could practically feel the beer sloshing around her stomach. Not good, especially since she had to be up early tomorrow. Plus, Kini and Charlotte were nowhere in sight, so she wouldn’t have to deal with them. She surveyed the snack table, passing over macadamia nuts, lamenting the spam musubi all being gone, grabbed a handful of furikake-sprinkled popcorn to hold her through the end of the table, and finally found what she was seeking. There were only two malasadas left, and damn straight she was going to snag a whole one.

  She had just sunk her teeth into it—mmm, taro, too bad it was too dark to really appreciate the vibrant purple of the doughy center, because it would totally match her outfit—when there was a hand at the center of her back. Warm and familiar, it meant she was expecting Kini when she turned. Didn’t even bother trying to swallow the sugary bite in her mouth, instead savoring it as she waved and gave her friend a hip-check. She hadn’t forgotten what Kini had said earlier, but she didn’t want to fight here in front of everyone. Besides, she could prove Kini wrong with her actions, which was
what Kini really cared about anyhow. Dismissive of people who talked a good game with no follow-through, Kini knew people well. Could be pretty hard on them sometimes, but she was rarely completely off base.

  “So I’ve got some good news for you. Your little friend? Laurel? I happen to know that she’s getting asked on a date tonight.”

  “Oh, yeah?” Maybe Brock was finally going to obey the orders she’d been trying to beam into his brain. In the meantime, she’d suck the sweet malasada glaze off her fingers one by one. Yes, she had most of it still to eat, but no harm in enjoying every last sugary taste she could glean before she had to go home to seitan, quinoa, and sambucha central.

  “Yeah. Bobby told me earlier he wanted to ask Laurel out and asked if I thought it was a good idea. He was worried she might be too good for him, but I told him not to be. He’s a hard-working guy, and Laurel could appreciate that. Also, she’s in no position to turn her nose up at anyone after dropping out of school. But I kept that to myself and told him to go for it.”

  Theo swallowed, her latest bite forming a doughy lump in her throat. Right. Bobby. “It’s possible that he already did.”

  She couldn’t bring herself to look at Kini, partly because she knew what she’d find when she did. A narrow-eyed glare, equal parts displeasure and disappointment. “Possible? And how would you know this?”

  “It’s not exactly a surprise, is it? He’s been sniffing around her since she got here.” Theo ripped another piece of the malasada off and stuffed it in her mouth, though the pastry that had tasted ono minutes before now bore a distinct resemblance to sawdust.

  “Sniffing around her? Bobby’s not a dog. And he’d never be inappropriate. He might’ve been on the crude side when he got here, but you know I wouldn’t keep anyone of questionable character on at Queen’s for long. Yes, he’s been coming to see her at work—with my blessing—but I’ve been under the impression that their flirtation was mutual. Are you telling me that’s not the case?”